Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou died today. I must confess that growing up I didn’t pay much attention to her. That wasn’t about her specifically. I didn’t like to read and I especially didn’t like poetry so I just didn’t have the appreciation that I gained as an adult.  For me, she was a hero in recent years. A few years ago I started getting depressed. Not just a little down, I felt the darkness starting to take over me. Keeping the rescue going in a down economy just tends to take a toll on someone. I had read a few books and was working to keep myself from being completely consumed but it was Maya Angelou that helped me snap out of it.  I was flipping through channels and caught a program on Oprah’s network called Master Class and the whole hour was about Ms. Angelou. There was something about the way she spoke and the words she chose that drew me in.  I felt so uplifted and inspired after watching her. It doesn’t seem real that someone can just “snap out of it” when they are so depressed but it certainly felt that way for me. What she said made a difference to me at precisely the time I needed to hear it.

“Just do right.  Be all that you can be. Live your life in a way that you won’t regret.  You make your own choices.  Make it a better world.  It can be better.  It must be better, but it is up to us.”- Maya Angelou

THE Bite, Part 3

I’ve now attempted to start this next part about 3 or 4 times but it’s proving to be very difficult to write. The early years were full of extremes. At the time I lost my finger my parents had just split up after 24 years of marriage, I split up from my fiancé at the time 6 weeks before the wedding and I had just moved to South Carolina from Connecticut less than a year before and didn’t have a whole lot of friends. My life seemed to be in shambles and then I go and lose a finger. Maybe I simply went into survival mode but I made the best of the next couple of years. I made lifelong friends and had wonderful experiences. It was also the beginning of what was to become a life of being a work-a-holic.

It’s now been 20 years since the bite happened and as cliché as it sounds, I really do remember it like it was yesterday. Last week Dave came into town and we got together with everyone we could to celebrate that anniversary. It was wonderful to see everyone and great to reminisce. It’s bitter sweet though to think of “that” place. So many good times, good memories and good people but unfortunately there’s a side that is unpleasant. Back when we were there it was a privately run zoo which gave us amazing opportunities and taught us so much. Now that I have a whole lot more experience there are so many things that really should have been done differently. It’s true what they say, ignorance is bliss. For me, I will cherish the memories and be grateful for the lifelong friends I made. One thing about it is that we all formed such a tight bond. We were (are) family.

I (as with most of the others) did pretty much everything there since it was a small zoo. I cared for animals, did group tours, stage presentations and other educational needs. But one of the best experiences I had back then was being able to hand-raise some of the babies. The theory was that if all the animals were hand reared they wouldn’t be afraid of people and make for better exhibit animals. It was a novelty and seriously, who can resist a baby anything?  Today I prefer any babies to be parent reared (whenever possible) because it really is better for the animal.  I was fortunate enough to hand raise black leopards, lions, tigers, jaguars, caracals, monkeys, wolves and bears. They came home every night so they could be cared for through the night. It wasn’t easy because you had to learn to distance yourself no matter how much time and effort you put in.  These animals quickly grew up to be big and dangerous so it’s not like they were staying as pets. I must admit there is quite the adrenalin rush when the animal you’ve raised is full grown and you could still work with it. I clearly remember one of the black panthers I raised bringing his chicken over to eat while sitting in my lap. 

Little did I know that raising such a variety of animals back then would be so useful for our own rescue today. Here at Safe Haven we’ve had animals come in pregnant, monkeys that had birth control failure and babies dropped off.  One of the monkeys (Valentino) had to be hand raised because he was rejected by his mother. Nigel was still in England at the time and I went at it alone but he was good enough (for a monkey) that we used him for programs. Most recently we’ve been raising Bardou, a coyote pup that was dumped in someone’s yard (as mentioned in one of my earlier posts). New things and circumstances come up all the time when you run your own sanctuary; I still get surprised when I look back at my past and find some connection that has truly benefitted our own animals.

THE Bite, Part 2

The hospital we went to was not able to do the surgery. I had to be wrapped up and given lots of drugs then transported to another one. Dave drove and we picked my mother up along way. When we walked in it was like my 15 minutes of fame. Everyone was talking and commenting about “you’re the one that was bit by the monkey”. My first thought (then and it is now) was that it was an ape, not a monkey. I didn’t always correct them. For some reason, I remained rational about the whole thing and came to accept it very quickly. I really didn’t have much else to do while sitting in the hospital for many hours waiting for my surgery. I remember a nurse coming in to take my blood and asking me about what happened. She then asked so “what are they going to do?” I matter-of-factly stated that “oh, they’re going to take it off”. She actually went pale. To this day I’m not sure what upset her so much the thought of the amputation or my casual attitude.  I was given a choice when it came to the surgery. I could have my hand numbed, my arm numbed (so I could watch) or put fully under. I really wanted my arm numbed and to be able to watch. Just as they were wheeling me in they changed their mind and put me under. To this day I regret that; I wish I could have watched it. To me the worst part of the whole thing was waking up from the surgery. I had a very hard time with that and literally thought I was going to die. Something went wrong and I was choking and gagging yet not able to stay awake to get enough air. I made it through and arrived home at something like 5:00 in the morning. You really learn who your true friends are when you go through and experience like that. So many people stepped up and did so much to help me through. I also lost a few friends over it too. One in particular could not understand why I would possibly go back to work there after all that. She quit talking to me over it. That’s ok though; the friends I made then have become lifelong friends and will be celebrating the 20^th anniversary with me.

The doctors told me to stay away from the zoo for several weeks for risk of infection. Of course I couldn’t wait that long. On day two a friend drove me up. The very first thing I did was walk over to that chimp enclosure. I knew it was something I had to do.  Of course, I stayed on the visitor side but I was proud that I went over there at all. I did go back to work at the zoo a few weeks later.  I needed to understand why it happened. Here was a permanent thing that happened and I wanted to know absolutely everything I could about the reasons behind it. I was told that the chimp was jealous. That sounded so weird to me but it took me another year to fully realize that it was absolutely true. Rosie liked her regular keeper Dave and I was too new to see the signs that she did not appreciate having me around. It would not have mattered if Dave was there or not for her to bite me. Chimpanzees have the intelligence to wait for the right opportunity no matter when it is.

I moved up to becoming the full-time primate keeper and not only worked with chimps but worked with the very chimp that took off my finger. It was a daily battle between the two of us. She was constantly spitting at me or throwing things. I did well with them though. No one knew better than I did what could happen if you make one simple mistake. A male chimp came along that developed a crush on me. He was amazing to work with and so gentle with me. I could put my arm along the cage (keeping it on the outside) and he would groom my arm and under my nails. But if a person came in the building, especially if it was a male that was close to me such as my brother, he would go berserk. He had an enormous plastic drum as part of his “furniture” and he would pick it up and throw it against the wall like it was a soda can in a fit of rage. The strength behind these animals is truly amazing. I have a huge amount of respect for them and enjoyed the challenge of working with them. That being said, I would never have one here at our sanctuary. 

I do have to say that there was one piece of advice from a dear friend at the zoo that has always stayed with me. I did have some moments of struggling with the concept as you would expect. She told me that I had to mourn the loss. I had lost a part of me as if I lost a best friend and that I had to allow myself to mourn. That concept was so healing and made all the difference in the world.

THE Bite

*warning: graphic description


I saved this one for today. Today is a special 20^th anniversary. Good or bad, depends on your perspective but none-the-less it was a life changing event and I have embraced it from the beginning.  I was brand new to the zoo field and had only been working at this particular place for less than a year. I wasn’t even full time animal staff (yet). I had to work my way up and did that by helping the animal staff as much as I possibly could. This particular day I was helping Dave feed the Chimpanzees.  It was just before the park closing and we were standing in front of the chimpanzee enclosure in the park.  This meant that visitors were standing behind us watching us feed them.  I dropped some food and reached down to pick it up to move it closer.  One of the chimps named Rosie reached out and grabbed my arm and pulled it into the cage biting down on my hand.  Dave instinctively grabbed my arm and Rosie’s face poking her in the eyes to get her to let go.  I didn’t scream or cry out.  In fact, I felt nothing.  I was focused on the fact that I could not feel a finger anymore, it wasn’t just numb; I actually felt nothing.  I have no way to explain it but I knew there was a void.  I immediately grabbed my hand so tight that Dave had to literally pry my fingers apart to get a look at it.  All he said was that we need to get to the hospital.  I don’t remember what we talked about but he kept talking and managed to keep me from going into shock.  At the hospital I had several doctors looking at my hand.  They had me go through a series of movements to see if any mobility was left.  The truth was there would never be any mobility.  In fact, although the bones were there absolutely nothing was left on them. I was never able to look it straight on. I could see it out of the corner of my eye and was able to stay detached. It was like something out of a movie, a horror movie no less.  I was told my choice was a series of extremely painful skin grafts or to amputate.  I chose amputation.  It was the better choice especially since we were dealing with an animal bite.  It was only then that I started to cry. 

Introducing Bardou

It’s been a lot longer than I anticipated for my next post. When one is in pain the ability to do so many little things is lost. I managed to get bit by a fire ant (or possibly spider) and have an allergic reaction to it. I was in a great deal of pain for 5 days. For me that's saying a lot because I have a high threshold for pain but I am finally on the mend although the site looks quite ugly. I will spare every one of the nasty details.  I got bit because I was sitting in the grass with our newest animal.

We have been hand-raising a baby coyote for about 2 weeks now.  The couple that turned it in found it in their front yard. The strangest part about this was that they live on an extremely busy main road.  They knew it was not just a puppy and could not possibly care for it properly, not to mention he was badly dehydrated and not doing well. We took him in and found that he was less than 3 weeks old. At this age it’s remarkable at how much wolf pups, coyote pups and fox kits all look alike. He was named after a wolf, Bardou, although it was the least likely option because of his size. In only a few days enough of him grew to see the details. To be perfectly honest, we had to send photos to experts because we do not have the experience needed to see such minute details in wild canids (aka canines). What we have is a coyote and why he was in someone’s front yard will forever be a mystery. It was too late for him to be rehabbed and released (unfortunately) because he had been imprinted on people so we decided to hand-raise him ourselves and use him for education.

Nigel and I both have hand-raised quite a few animals but it has been number of years for each of us. Our combined list includes lions, tigers, leopards, lemurs, parrots, monkeys, bears and wolves (among others). It’s an amazing experience. Very rewarding and exhausting at the same time.  People always tend to offer to the help through the bottle feeding days but they don’t realize that that is not the hard part. The tough times are when they get a bit older and more mobile. You not only have to keep up with them but teach them all sorts of new things about being a wild animal living among people.  It’s the little things like not allowing anyone to “play rough”. It’s cute when they’re little but when they grow up to be a full grown lion (for example) it’s not so cute. 

Bardou struggled in his first few days so we didn’t even announce him to the public.  He had to overcome his dehydration only to get constipated by baby formula. It was all a new change to his little body. We got him through it all and he is now eating canned food very well.  He’s exploring more and more now and it’s wonderful to see the world through the eyes of a baby animal. Every noise, every insect, every movement is something new to his world. What a way to learn to appreciate the little things. Although… I got a bit too close to those at least one of those little things. See, now you’ve gotten the first ‘bite’ story and I didn’t even plan on that one.  I don’t do well with fire ants. I would much rather deal with blood and guts before creepy crawly fire ants.  Enough about the bugs though, I got a bit side tracked. I'm sure you will get many updates on the adventures with Bardou. He has already won over the heart of everyone that has seen him.

Stories

There are countless “little” moments that happen that touch the heart and rarely get remembered, let alone recorded. Then there are the moments that keep people laughing for years to come.  All of these little things are about the people as much as they are about the animals.  I have been educating people about animals and conservation for just as long as I have been caring for the animals. I have always loved the expressions on children’s faces when they see and especially touch an animal for the first time.  But when I hear that I have really made an impact on a child; that touches the heart.  Years ago I was working in Florida and I was leading a group around an island and one parent came up to me.  She told me that she remembered me from the year before when she was there with her children. Her young son was later out on a boat and stopped the men fishing from throwing the discarded fishing line overboard. The mother said he specifically remembered my talking about the permanent damage it caused the pelicans and told these men all about it.  I still get tears in my eyes thinking about it to know the difference I made that day. 

There are always the people that make off the wall comments or questions that come from left field.  At one of our table set ups we had some earrings for sale to raise some money to support the animals.  These earrings were made of feathers that were shed by our birds. One day a woman had come up and had been talking to us for a while, she came across as a bit of know-it-all, but half way through the conversation she looks at the earrings and asks what we thought about people using feathers for jewelry, etc.  Glenda was with me and we looked at each other and then at her a bit puzzled and she went on to mention that “people were getting birds just for their feathers”. I explained to her that the birds just shed them naturally and that we pick ours up, clean them off and then our volunteers make things out of them.  The woman looked at me as if she didn’t believe me and was slightly horrified like we would pluck our birds for their feathers. I don’t think I ever convinced her that it was a natural occurance. You can’t win them all.

I have worked with thousands of individual animals but there are always a few that really touch your heart.  Some of the best moments are with the birds. When you work with animals that talk it opens up a whole different world that just adds a lot of comic relief to your life.  Especially when they catch you saying something you don’t want them to hear.  We had a very intelligent African Gray that seemed to have great timing with everything he said.  One day Nigel was coming into the house from the bird area (aka our garage) and he tripped up the stairs. Nigel ‘claims’ he tripped over shoes I left there, but I don’t know about that. ;-)  As he was catching himself while going into the house he yelled (picture it with an English accent) “for f*^k’s sake”. Not 15 minutes later I was in the kitchen and Nigel was on the front porch and we both hear very loudly from Garrett “for f*^k’s sake”.  We’ve had a great laugh over that for years now. Fortunately, Garrett decided not to repeat it more than a couple times. These are just a couple moments out of thousands that I have experienced they make you laugh and touch your heart.  

Background

Working with animals is all that I have ever wanted to do. There was never any doubt about that. Even as a child one of the little make-believe games my brother, our friend and I played was about me being an animal trainer, and of course they were the viscious animals. In high school I spent a lot of time going to animal shows and talked to trainers afterwards. They all said to get a degree but equally important was to get experience volunteering with animals. To this day I find myself giving that same bit of advice to anyone that asks me.  In college I had a moment of doubt that I would be able to make it work and thought I should do the sensible thing. There was a recession at the time and it was extremely difficult for anyone to even find a job. I changed my major to Chemistry so that I had more options. The dream had never left my heart so when I moved from Connecticut to South Carolina and had an opportunity to work with animals I never looked back.  One of things that I love the most about having our own organization is that now I can provide those opportunities for people with their own dreams.




There was a down side. Every trainer also said to be prepared to have to have a second job just to get by. It was a job that was done out of passion and love for the animal world but that it did not pay well. This did not deter me and to my surprise, my parents never tried to talk me out of it. Keep in mind though that this does not mean they were always happy about it. ;)  I have always had to work very long hard hours.  There haven't been any 'extras' in my life because of it. I haven't traveled to exotic locations, I don't have fancy new clothes, my hair has even been the same long straight style for all of my adult life. I must say that although it would be nice to have some of those things I have never felt that I have missed out on anything. I have been doing everything that I have ever wanted to do.  I do know that this whole concept has frustrated and worried several of my family members. I can't say that I blame them for being worried but as my father had always told me "it's only money, your happiness is more important". This was often told to me when I made (or changed) plans that cost them money, such as cancelling a wedding. I don't think he meant it in the way I've been living my life but it does go both ways.  The money would certainly be an added bonus but it's nothing compared to the pride I have in how I've lived my life.




I lost one of my best friends just a couple of years ago. She was much too young to die but I know that Jennifer lived every day of her life the way she wanted to. She never wasted a minute and enjoyed life. Despite the fact that we were opposite in many ways. I am so grateful that this is one way in which we are (were) very much alike.